Perhaps the most brain-scarring interpersonal conflict that I've ever encountered thus far was the time I was caught in the middle of an argument between my best friend and my girlfriend ( this is not a hypothetical situation by the way ). Ever had the feeling of getting stuck in between two people with ginormous bellies in a crowded train? Yup, that was exactly what I felt. The emotions I had initially were of utter embarrassment. However, they soon morphed into emotions of anger. And so the story goes...
There I was in my room studying with my girlfriend. The next thing I know, the door slams open. “What did u tell XYZ about me?? Why the hell did you bad-mouth me for??” A quick exchange of aggressive words immediately followed. I wish I could type out the whole conversation that took place between the both of them - I can remember it in its entirety, word for word. However, given the taboo content of the conversation, I shall not risk my expulsion or Brad’s from the school. Essentially the argument was of one of denial by my girlfriend and one of accusation by my friend (let's call him Peter). I was just about to leave my room when Peter shouted, “Are you going to believe her or me!” The last thing I'd wanted was for someone to ask me that question. I glanced over at my girlfriend and that was when I saw the its-him-or-me look on her face. I was an innocent bystander in this conflict and now, because of the question that was shot at me, I found myself right smack in the middle of the conflict. It took me a good ten seconds to formulate a reply. As short as ten seconds may be, both of them were actually screaming at me during this period of time. I got angry, and yet I knew that I had to say something that would not result in me losing the both of them. I was actually thinking rationally at that point in time - wow. I shall save the remainder of the story for my next post since I’m soon reaching the 350 word limit. Meanwhile, I really would want to know how each of you would have reacted if you were in my shoes. Do drop me your comments yeah? :)
Here’s what happened next. While they were still screaming at each other, I stood up from my chair and shouted “shuuuuut uuuup!!“ this was probably the longest, loudest ‘shut up” I’ve ever or will ever produce. Absolute silence followed. I then proceeded to comment on how childish I felt the both of them were being. i did not take sides of course. It was probably a misunderstanding that both of them failed to see amidst all that squabbling. i ended off my 'lecture' by telling them that no one would ever enjoy being caught in the middle of an argument. especially when it involves the two closest people that you have around you. " Put yourself in my shoes, if you were me what would you have done? you'll obviously not take sides right? " I said. Peter stood outside the door, glaring into space and then he left. I spend the rest of the night consoling my girlfriend who had been in tears since the confrontation started.
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5 comments:
Hey! Its a bit hard reading your post. Maybe you want to change to front? Your last entry was okay :)
Whoa. I would be thinking: "What in the world does this have to do with me??"
Anyway, I think the girlfriend may have said something bad about Peter in a joking manner to her friends, whilst Peter mmay have overreacted upon learning about her claims. It could also be the effect of the wrong dessimination of information that we had talked about in class. You know how information gets all contorted as it is being passed down from one person to the next?
If I were you, I would try to calm the two of them down first. I mean, there's no point wasting your breath on 2 angry people, whatever you want to say will simply be falling to deaf ears. So I'd talk to both of them calmly, without raising my voice, tell them it's a little hard to say who is in the wrong, since I had not actually witnessed what had happened and this could simply be the case of poor communication. Then I'd let each one of them talk about their own version of what had happened (and not allow either one of them interrupt each other when the other person is talking) before trying to solve the issue=]
Whoa !!!
I believe sandwiched was probably one of the feelings you felt when faced with such a situation.
I guess you probably felt very pressurized at that time too, because whatever answer you give at that moment is going to affect either one or both greatly.
I agreed that you tried to calm down and think rationally for an appropriate answer. At such tense moments like this, especially when both people are fuming and may not think rationally, try to calm them down and let them know that it maybe a case of a misunderstanding Let them know it is not a case of whether you trust who more , but more on finding what really happen in order to be able to piece the whole accurate picture togther.
Then, you probably can seek clarfications from your best friend first and then after which, let your girlfriend say her piece.
Once both of them had said their side of their stories, it would then be easier for you to try to resolve the issue.
Aiyoh!
Thanks, Timothy, for sharing what I can recognize as something that was an emotionally draining experience for you with us all.
Your implied question, however, requires a "reaction" from readers more so than a "solution," doesn't it?
Maybe a better question would have been related to how you could have helped your two friends reestablish an open channel of communication.
In any case, I appreciate your willing to describe this.
Oooh dang, bro! I feel for you, being stuck in the middle like that. But good move, thinking long and hard before giving a reply. But one thing I would've done differnetly would have been to substitute "shuuuuut uuuuuup!" for something else, such as maybe "whoa whoa whoaaaaa!"
Good move not taking sides though! You avoided the potentially even stickier situation of having one of the two hate you for taking the other's side.
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